


A Typical Sick Day

by crazitaco



Category: Mario & Luigi RPG (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Brotherly Love, Comedy, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, No Romance, Sick Character, Sickfic, Slice of Life, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, a LOT of references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23582911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazitaco/pseuds/crazitaco
Summary: What happens when a Mario Brother gets sick? Stupidity ensues.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51





	A Typical Sick Day

**Author's Note:**

> This story was NOT inspired by a certain pandemic. I was writing this before all that mess, and then it killed my motivation and made me want to tone things down a little. But I'm not going to let reality get in the way of fantasy. With that out of the way, I hope you all enjoy!

It was a beautiful morning in the Mushroom Kingdom, the perfect day for tennis practice. Mario arose from his slumber to the sound of his alarm clock, and whatever dreams he may have had that night quickly faded with the rising sun. He gave a mighty stretch and yawn, feeling refreshed and eager to get on with his day.

He jumped out of his bed and took a fast shower. In the restroom’s medicine cabinet mirror, he brushed out his mustache with a wide-toothed comb before running it through his hair and topping it off with a visor rendition of signature red cap. Inside the cabinet, he also took his daily mushroom supplement and brushed his teeth. He got ready the rest of the way dressed in clothes fit for light sports, and slid down the staircase rails to the lower level of his shared home.

***SNNNNNORE***

The noise came from none other than Luigi, who had managed to sleep through the night sitting upright with his diary in his lap. Mario reached under the couch to pick up the green pen that had rolled out of his brother's hands. He carefully closed the diary and set it aside on a mushroom shaped corner table along with the pen. Mario gently nudged his brother on the shoulder in the same place as always, not wanting to start off his brother's day on the wrong foot by immediately startling him awake.

*Snnn-uhhn?*

Luigi blinked slowly, the awareness that he had fallen asleep on the couch again slowly hitting him with a crick in his neck. He found himself still in his everyday wear. Luigi tried in vain to rub the tiredness out of his eyes.

“Fell asleep on the couch again, Weegie? You know that can't be good for you, bro.” Mario pointed out.

“Is it morning already?” Luigi asked hazily before the realization that his brother was ready to go for tennis gave him his confirmation.

“I'll brew some coffee while you get ready. Don't want-a keep the princesses waiting, you know how those ladies can be sometimes,” Mario chuckled.

Luigi sluggishly made his way up the stairs and came back down after awhile in his full tennis attire. Mario finished brewing the coffee and set down an extra cup as his brother joined him at the table. On a large platter sat a loaf of bread and jar of sweet fruity jam for breakfast. Mario cut himself a generous slice and then looked at his brother expectantly to gauge his interest in the food.

“That's alright bro, I'll pass.” Luigi said as he blew on his coffee.

Mario topped his bread with a bit of the jam and then held it up to him like a prize offering.

“But doesn't it look tasty? You're going to need it if you want us to win against the princesses.” He replied.

“It’s too early for breakfast, I'll eat after we play tennis.”

“Suit yourself,” Mario said, and he washed it all down with a gulp of coffee.

After breakfast, they set out for the nearest warp pipe to transport them to the tennis courts.

* * *

“There they are, rise and shine sleepy bros!” Princess Daisy called out when she saw the Mario bros at long last. Princess Peach was looking fashionably comfortable as always, Mario couldn’t help but notice. Daisy tried and failed to suppress a giggle as she approached Luigi.

“Er- Luigi? I think your shirt might be backwards.”

“-Huh? AH!”

Luigi turtled his arms inside the shirt and twisted it around to fix it. Mario didn't know how either of them had managed to miss _that._

“I guess this means you're both ready to _lose!_ Let's get this match started!” Daisy shouted, full of friendly rivalry.

“Let's a-GO!” Mario shouted back in excitement.

It started out as a close match with the bros initially in the lead. But little by little, they started losing ground to the princesses. Luigi had expected to be off game given his rough morning, but was stunned when even his older brother began slowing down and missing swings left and right. Mario stopped to catch his breath. The cheery sun seemed to be out to get him now, he felt like he was burning up.

“Let's a-stop… for a…water break,” Mario panted out to his brother. Luigi nodded and gestured a time-out to the princesses who gave him a thumbs up in response.

“Mama mia, we're losing badly today.” Luigi sat crosslegged in the shade next to the older brother, who was taking a long drag from a bottle of water. The very action seemed to wear Mario down, and he slumped to the ground much to the surprise of Luigi, who looked at him with concern.

“Woah, you don't look so good, big bro.”

Mario rolled his head miserably towards his brother.

“… I'll be honest, I don't feel too good. It’s like a million degrees. I might have heat exhaustion.”

Luigi looked around, it didn't seem particularly hot that day. He himself was sweating a bit from exercise, sure, but he wasn't struggling with it, and neither were the princesses. Plus, Mario was _known_ for his vigor. Mario's stomach gurgled from the previous influx of water, and he held his midsection with a pained expression. His head was beginning to hurt like something fierce too.

“But Mario, its not that hot out today, and I saw you drink plenty of water before…” Luigi frowned as he spoke the words, his mind starting to connect the dots. Did Mario catch a bug? That was an almost a surreal idea to him because Mario _never_ got sick.

Without warning, Mario turned his body away from Luigi and wretched. Copious amounts of water and partially used breakfast splattered onto the ball court.

Luigi barely resisted the urge to gag and covered his face with a towel to keep any smell away.

“Okay, I'm taking you home. Just stay put.” Luigi’s voice muffled through the towel. Mario just gave a weak nod in response.

Luigi hopped over the tennis net to the other side to explain the situation to the princesses. Mario lifted his head to get a look, which induced a painful wave of nausea originating somewhere near his temple. From afar he could see the group make their way towards him.

Daisy spoke first. “Sorry to hear you're feeling sick, Mario. Besides, its no fun to play you when you're not at your best. Get better soon!"

Peach gave him a sympathetic touch on the shoulder.

“I hope you feel better soon. Until next time.”

* * *

Back at the house, Luigi led his brother straight to the couch. Beads of sweat were trickling down Mario's face, though they were now in a much cooler place.

Mario let out a groan. “… I think I'm a-going to be sick again, Weegie.”

“I'm on it, bro!”

Luigi returned just in the nick of time with a metal bucket. Luigi looked away as Mario let loose his stomach contents inside the bucket. A moment later Luigi left to retrieve some items from around the house. Mario laid back on the couch, thoroughly tuckered out. His whole body was sore and his head felt like it was filled with cotton.

“Hey brooo!” a voice sang out from behind the sofa.

Mario’s eyes shot open. He lifted himself slightly on his elbow to see what on earth Luigi was up to.

“Dee dee dee dee du-du-duduh, dee dee dee duduh!” Luigi vocalized a familiarly catchy jingle as he began to rise into view, revealing that he had changed into his doctor outfit.

Mario was too drained to lift his arm to pinch the bridge of his nose, so he just moaned. ”How was I was born next to such a cheesy brother,” he asked rhetorically.

“Aw come on, this is-a job for Doctor Luigi!”

“You and I both know that was just a medical PSA campaign for the television.”

“You're no fun.” Luigi remarked and tossed the doctor prop items away.

Luigi had brought along a couple of damp washcloths, a thermometer, and a glass of water which he handed off to his brother. Mario swished the water to eliminate some of the foul taste in his mouth and then spat it out into the bucket. Luigi lifted one of the damp rags to his brother's face, and Mario raised an eyebrow.

“I'm-a sick, not invalid.” he said bluntly and took the rag from Luigi to wipe his own mouth.

“And thanks, bro.” he added. It was uncomfortable being babied by his little brother, but he didn't want to be ungrateful either.

Luigi rubbed the back of his head and set down the rest of items on the side table for Mario to have easy access to. Mario placed the thermometer in his mouth.

“I'm going to cook up minestrone for lunch. I'll go light on the spices so hopefully you’ll be able to hold some of it down.” Luigi called from the kitchen.

“-fhanks again, Weegie.” Mario spoke out of the corners of his mouth as the red inside the thermometer gradually inclined. He sunk into the sofa in a feverish haze, feeling like absolute crap. After awhile when it had stopped rising, he popped the bulb of the thermometer out of his mouth and gave it a look.

It read 102 F.

“Mama mia," he sighed. There was a sudden unpleasant sensation in his bowels and his eyes widened with alarm.

“Oh no.”

Mario shuffled his way to the restroom.

Luigi left the minestrone to finish simmering and poked his head out of the kitchen only to see his brother disappear up the stairs in a hurry.

“Poor big bro,” he said to himself, and began to hum as he washed the dishes.

Suddenly, he was interrupted by an urgent knocking at the door. Luigi wiped his hands off on a dish towel only to answer the door to a panicky-looking toad.

“H-hello?”

“AHHHhhhhhhh… a green guy? Where's Mario?! The princess has been kidnapped again by Bowser! AHHHHHHHH!” it screamed.

Luigi looked over his shoulder to find Mario had changed out of his tennis outfit and changed to just his boxers and a loose bathrobe; most likely an attempt at cooling down. And he had made his way down the stairs and overheard everything.

Crap.

The toad’s mouth formed a perfect O at the sight of the half-naked hero. Luigi let out a yelp and slammed the door in the shocked toad's face to preserve his brother's dignity.

“The princess, she's in trouble?!” Mario gasped. He stared intently at the coat rack where his adventuring cap rested. Luigi did a double take between his brother and the rack, knowing exactly what the older twin was thinking. Mario knew what was about to go down as well. They both lunged for the cap, but Luigi was lighter on his feet, and managed to snatch it up first.

“Weegie!” Mario complained.

“You can't, big bro! You’re in no shape to go after them. Look, you couldn't even get your hat from me.”

“But the princess-” Mario protested.

“And what was your temperature?” Luigi asked with a his infamous death stare. Mario sweat even more under that gaze. Not that it mattered, he couldn't bring himself to lie to his little brother’s face anyway.

“…102,” was his half-hearted response.

Luigi's eyes grew wide.

“Mama mia! See, that’s-a why you need to stay here and rest.”

“But Weegie, I can’t rest while the princess is in trouble. You know that.”

Luigi flinched. He knew Mario quite literally couldn’t sleep while Peach was in harm’s way due to his chronic hero syndrome. He was stumped. Mario needed rest, and for that he needed a safe princess.

“What if…” Mario trailed off.

_Oh no, Luigi thought._

"… _You_ save the princess?”

Mario completed the sentence. Luigi couldn't believe the words that he had just uttered. Save the princess, _by himself_? His heart rate spiked to 180 in an instant.

“Y-y-you can't be serious, big bro. _Me? Save the princess?_ D-don't-a be ridiculous! _”_ Luigi sputtered, completely shaken by the idea.

“Of course I'm serious, the princess needs saving! As you said I'm in no shape for it, so it has to be you.” Mario replied in earnest.

“B-but Mario, what if I can't?!” Luigi pleaded.

“Of course you can! I wouldn't ask if I thought it’d put you in any danger. You've got this. Besides, this is just the typical Wednesday kidnapping. It'll be a walk in the park!”

There wasn't a trace of doubt anywhere on Mario's face. Mario… had complete confidence in him. _No one_ , but his brother, ever believed in him. It began to stir up Luigi's tear ducts. Tears streamed down his face as he looked down at the floor and rested a hand on his brother's shoulder.

“O-kay big -b-bro, _*sniff*_ I-I will do it just so you can get better….” Luigi choked out a sob. Mario was slightly taken aback by Luigi's reaction to all this.

"Shh shh, don't cry. I don't know why you're so worked up.” He said gently, and thought about it some more.

“If it makes you feel better, you can take as many power ups as you want. I have lots-a extras.”

Luigi wiped his face on his sleeve and nodded, he would do whatever it took to save the princess as fast as possible. For his brother's sake, and the sake of his own sanity. Mario kept all the extra power-ups inside a painted red drawer in their room. Inside, Luigi found an assortment of colorful shells, a couple of fire flowers, a pair of hammers with a well-worn heads, and a freshly opened box of mushrooms. Not wanting to use up his brothers full supply, Luigi decided that one of each item would be enough. With that, Luigi lodged the items in his pockets and set off on his rescue quest.

“See you later bro!” Mario leaned against the door and waved goodbye. Luigi waved back and then turned around and gulped.

“Let's-a get this over with,” he muttered pessimistically. With a hop, he dropped down the warp pipes and entered into hostile territory.

As soon as his brother was out of sight, Mario dragged himself into the kitchen to grab himself a bowl of the minestrone.

_*Sip*_

Watery for sure, maybe it needed more salt, but it was not bad. It didn't seem to disagree with his stomach, which had started to calm down after the restroom meltdown.

As he ate alone, Mario realized the house was much too quiet without his brother. Being the prized hero of the mushroom kingdom, he'd always been too busy to have the opportunity to experience such overbearing solitude. He wasn't used to the feeling of restlessness, loneliness, and boredom. He wasn't even sure of how to actually pass time on his own. So Mario powered on the television just so that it would break the silence. The first channel that came on was the Mushroom Kingdom News channel. It press conference featuring some big-wig CEO.

“Boring.”

***Click* *Click***

On another channel was some celebrity gossip show.

“Why is-a everything on the daytime television so boring?”

***Click***

The next channel featured a couple toads playing poker. Even more boring to watch. And a game that he was quite bad at. He always lost all his coins to Luigi. Unless…

Mario leaned forward, suddenly filled with determination to learn the secrets of winning at poker.

* * *

Mario very quickly became tired of studying poker tactics. But he did feel like he'd learned quite a bit. He drummed his fingers on the arm rest, and his eyes wandered over it to where his brother's diary lay.

Not that he would ever invade his brother's privacy like that, but the idea of writing himself was something new to him. New and appealing, something he'd never tried. Could even be the launch point for a new career. Luigi sure seemed to enjoy it, anyhow. The younger brother had initially gone through great lengths to keep his diary a secret, going so far as to create a hidden underground room while Mario was away. Of course, when he eventually discovered the secret room, he had a talk with Luigi about boundaries. Mario swore that he would never deliberately read the diary. And Luigi swore not to secretly remodel the house anymore. Luigi enjoyed the freedom of being able to write comfortably in the open, and Mario enjoyed not having to worry about falling through any strange trap doors in his own home. It was a win-win.

On the corner table, Mario found a loose paper that had been torn from the diary. Other than a few broad strokes at the bottom, (likely just a pen test) it was clear of any writing. He figured Luigi probably wouldn't care if he used it, so he clicked his brother's green pen in his grasp and set the tip at the top of the page.

And…

Uh.

Wow. Journaling was hard. Mario had expected words to just come flying out automatically. What was he supposed to write?! Maybe just whatever came to mind? Yeah, that could work. Slowly but surely, words began to bubble up in his mind and he'd jot them down as soon as they appeared. Eventually, the words slowed to a trickle and he couldn't think of anything else to write.

“Let's-a see here,” Mario said as held the paper up in the light to reread his writing out loud.

“One, tomato…

Two, fettuccine…

Three, ravioli…

Four, spicy meatball…”

He had created a grocery list. Annoyed by this realization, he crumpled the paper up into a wad and tossed it into a faraway trash can. With a huff of frustration, he drove his head into his palms.

***Knock* *Knock* *Knock***

There was someone at the door, and Mario was thankful for any kind of distraction at this point. Looking through the peep hole, Mario could see a postal toad had just dropped off the day's mail in the bin outside.

It was mostly junk mail, but there was one letter in the pile addressed to him that was stamped with a big red [CRITICAL INFORMATION INSIDE]. Mario tore open the letter and began reading, and as he did so his face began to change from curiosity, to solemnity, and finally worry. Without hesitation, Mario grabbed a pair of house slippers that were lying outside the door and closed his robe by the sash. He immediately departed for the Koopa Kingdom, demanding every bit of willpower in his aching body to move as fast as he could.

* * *

Meanwhile, Luigi had actually made great time compared to all the times he tagged along with Mario. He wasn't sure if it was because his sense of urgency had led him to skip over any item collecting, or because he had started off so well-equipped in the first place. He wasn't afraid of the basic enemies he found along the way, but he was still terrified of fighting Bowser on his own. Luigi had fought his way through the waves of enemies and was stuck at an impasse. Now he needed to actually save the princess. Was it enough that Mario believed in him?

Luigi wanted to smack himself for not thinking to save all those power ups for the final battle.

"Okay, here-a goes..." He said, before withdrawing himself away from the door to Bowser's throne room.

Maybe he just needed to pep talk himself first.

“Come on, Luigi, big bro said you can do it.”

He didn't feel any peppier. He felt shakey and all jumbled up.

“Hey green Mario, you've been standing there all day. Are ya just gonna talk to that door forever? Cause we have rules against loiterers.” The goomba heckled him from afar.

“Bowser’s gonna have a field day with this guy.” Another one snickered.

“How much you guys wanna bet he'll turn tail and leave?” the first one asked.

“100 coins, even HE knows he’s no match for Bowser. See the way he hesitates?”

“No way! That’s easy money!”

“Then don't bet money!”

“Well, I bet he goes in and the boss turns him into a rug.”

“Oh yeah?”

"Yeah?"

As the goombas began to squabble, Mario turned up at Bowser's castle too. The path to the koopa kingdom had been cleared of enemies by his younger brother, allowing Mario to walk through all the areas uncontested.

The voices of the enemies mocking Luigi for his cowardice seemed to multiply the longer he stood there. At long last, the shame of standing there outside Bowser’s throne room and the desire to escape his hecklers gave him the push he needed to confront the Koopa King.

Bowser shot daggers with his eyes as Luigi squeezed through the heavy throne room doors. It just so happened that Bowser was just as grouchy as he was surprised to see him.

“Green ‘stache? What do you think you're doing in my castle?!” Bowser roared at the sight of the green man.

Luigi flinched, not quite able to verbally confront the giant fire-breathing reptile. But then, Bowser glared at something-or someone- off in the distance.

“Luigi!” a recognizable voice called out. Luigi turned immediately at the sound of his brother.

“Mario? Why would you follow me, you’re too sick to be here!...You- you said I could do it!” Luigi questioned him, almost feeling betrayed by his brother's presence.

“Yeah Mario, you look like crap! All sweaty and dressed like you just rolled out of bed. Where's your cap? Are you trying to get me and my subjects sick too, is that it?” Bowser pointed accusingly at the man with the bedraggled appearance.

Mario tried his best to ignore Bowser.

“Luigi please tell me, did you-” Mario seemed to beg the question before being rudely interrupted again by Bowser.

“HEY, you two think you can just ignore me in my OWN CASTLE when I'm talking to you?!” Bowser shouted fire in their general direction, getting their full undivided attention at last.

“Yeah that's right, I heard what green mustache said. Mario is sick, and that means you're probably both covered in germs. Don't come any closer. I don't want that spreading to anyone in this kingdom. So get lost before I roast you both!” He snarled.

“I'm only here because my big bro can't get better until the princess is safe! And-and, I’ll always fight for my big bro.” Luigi said as he entered into a off-balance fighting stance.

“Oh for crying out- You know what? Fine, take the princess. I'll just come for her next week. You're not worth getting sick over.” Bowser grumbled irately.

“W-whut?” Luigi mumbled.

Bowser slammed his heavy fist onto a button that lowered a small cage on a chain from the ceiling.

“Help us!” Peach and a toad pleaded from within the cage.

A koopa paratroopa carrying the key hovered along to unlock it, causing Peach to fall from the cage and into Luigi's arms.

“You saved me, Luigi!” she said sweetly to the trembling plumber.

“I-I-I saved the princess?” He asked out of sheer confusion as he set Peach on her feet, her words ringing in his ear. It was all happening too fast. He felt like the world was spinning, like he needed to stop and sit for a moment.

Mario gave him a congratulatory pat. “You really did, lil' bro. I'm so proud of you!”

“I-I-I don't know what's h-happening...” Luigi stuttered nervously as he stared at his own hands as if they were no longer attached to his arms. Mario froze, now that he was face to face he could clearly see there was something off about Luigi. There was this odd look in his eyes.

“Kamek!” Bowser hollered impatiently. But there was no response.

“Kamek is still channeling magic for the now plot-irrelevant ritual. He's not able to stop until the ritual is complete," the paratroopa pointed out.

“Oh right, I forgot that I told him to do that. Uh… just tell the troops to let the Mario Bros. leave, and spread word that _no one_ in the kingdom is to go near them. Got that?”

“Of course, boss.” The winged paratroopa fluttered out the window.

“We're safe now, okay?” Mario spoke reassuringly as he turned his brother around by the shoulders and led him through the castle. His careful words did seem to help relax the younger brother. The leftover minions murmured from afar with curiosity at the sight of the bedraggled hero of the mushroom kingdom.

“Is this… party for me?” Luigi mumbled. Princess Peach did a double take.

“What is going on with Luigi?” Peach whispered in Mario's ear.

Not wanting to alarm his brother, Mario said nothing. Instead, he slipped her the note he'd received earlier. Her eyebrows began to sink as she read through its contents.

“Is he…”

“I think so," Mario stated.

“Not good. We need to get back home, and fast.”

One foot got caught behind the other, and Luigi began to fall forward. Mario caught him by the overalls, but the young brother seemed to be losing his sense of balance. Mario struggled with the effort to keep up upright and moving.

“Princess, can you help him on the right?” he grunted under the weight. She nodded and wrapped her arm around Luigi's so that his body was supported on each side.

Princess Peach spoke to the toad in a low voice. “We need a doctor and a ride home, ASAP. Can you please run ahead of us and call Toadsworth? Please stress that it the doctor is _not_ for me, I am safe and with Mario. He’ll take rest from there.”

The toad nodded and broke off into a squeaky run.

“…Buuut we have a doctor right here, issa me-, Luigi.” Luigi rambled incoherently.

The voices of the observing enemies began to rise in volume, until at last a goomba blurted out from the crowd.

“It's the PLAGUE!”

A couple screams followed.

Luigi yelped in response to the sudden change in background mood and swayed his head to the left.

And found himself face to face with a pair of bulbous fish eyes.

“AHwahwahwah!”

He was being kidnapped by a fish headed man and a squid-like being?! His heart beat wildly in his chest, nothing was making sense anymore.

“Stop struggling-“ the fish head man barked at him. Like a shout. But also like a dog bark. That was funny to him. Luigi broke free from its grasp and laughed until it hurt. Oh no, was this the plague? A laughing plague?! Was he going to die from madness?!

The fish head man spoke in incomprehensible gurgling sounds and held him up by the arm again.

Luigi couldn’t remember where his legs were. Could barely even feel them. When he finally found them, they were wobbly green goo. Maybe all of him would become green goo, and then he would slip away forever. No one would even notice if he was gone.

“Don’t say such things," the squid chided him and wrapped a tentacle around his face. No, he was entirely goo now. The bubbles in his gooey form began to simmer beneath the surface. The bubbles grew larger, and began to sprout little faces.

“BOO!” A boo-bble laughed at him with a high-pitched snicker.

“AHHHHH” Luigi screamed and began to swat at his arm to get the boos out. But alas, his hands were only goo and just joined to the rest of his goo body, forming even bigger boo-bbles. He couldn't stop shaking. Every movement sent lasting vibrations through his extremities. Like jiggly goo. And he felt cold too. Like goo. Cold, cold, goo with boos. The boos continued to laugh at him and swam around his eyes. Wait, does goo have eyes? Aren't eyes already made of goo?

Luigi's eyes shifted back and forth to test if they were there. The world around him was shimmering, melting like goo, too. He would dissolve into it, and lose himself forever. The boo-bbles twirled about and began to-

***WHACK***

“ _Mario_! Why did you just do that?!” Peach asked with a bewildered expression.

Mario pocketed his hammer and cradled his now K.O'd brother in his arms.

“I couldn’t just let him go through all that. He’s terrified of boos.”

“Okay, but now he's got head trauma.”

“Luigi's dealt with much worse blows to the head. Anyway, what's your plan?”

The princess paused thoughtfully.

“Well… there's an unused bridge just outside Bowser's kingdom that should provide sufficient runway to land The Toad Express. Toadsworth and I have been gathering details on it as part of our contingency planning.”

“Any idea how far that is?”

"I estimate it’s about half a mile from this spot. Of course, now we’ll have to fully carry Luigi…” the Princess added with a pointed tone.

“Mama mia…” Mario huffed. In retrospect, maybe he hadn't really thought it through when he bonked Luigi. Maybe he was still a bit more foggy headed than he'd like to admit.

“Mama mia indeed,” she deadpanned. “We have work to do. Grab his legs.” Princess Peach clasped her hands under Luigi's arms and around his midsection. At that moment she felt quite grateful that Luigi was leaner and lighter than his brother. Though it was uncomfortable, they managed to pace their way through the town. Villagers ran indoors at the sight of them and peered through windows with suspicion. It was practically a ghost town by the time they had passed through. Eventually, the whine of turbines and the large shadow of the Toad Express passed overhead.

“We're almost there!...are you okay, Mario? Should we stop for a break?”

She noticed he was starting to drag his feet and was moving quite a bit slower than before.

“Just a bit tired. I'll be fine,” he replied. He honestly wasn't sure how much farther he would be able to exert himself in his condition, but they had to keep moving.

Off in the distance, a mushroom shaped head came running back at full speed.

“There you guys are! I was wondering where I'd find you.” the toad said as he walked alongside them, watching curiously as they moved at a snail’s pace.

“I have an idea, why don’t you just drag him on top of Mario's robe? I bet it would be much quicker.” The toad suggested, wanting to be more helpful.

Mario froze in his tracks. Peach noticed.

“Mario?... Are you sure?”

He didn't look back, but slowly lowered and brought Luigi to the floor. The princess took his lead and lowered him down too.

“I apologize for this, Princess.” Mario removed his robe, leaving behind nothing but his boxers and house slippers.

“Oh my!” She blurted out. “I mean, this is an emergency situation! And this means we can drag him the rest of the way while you recuperate.”

Mario laid the robe down on the street and they rolled Luigi onto it. Like this, Peach could drag the robe behind her, and the toad's short stature made it easy for him to elevate Luigi’s feet to lessen the effects of dragging.

Mario trailed along behind the group, feeling rather exposed. He tried to brush this feeling aside. Most of the townsfolk had run indoors anyway, maybe they couldn't even see him. And truthfully, the robe was a bit too warm for him, though his fever had mostly subsided by now.

Though as soon as they boarded the plane and laid Luigi down on one of the luxury recliners, Mario was quick to snatch his robe back.

There was chatter coming from inside the cockpit. A voice spoke up. “Is that them? The princess had returned!”

And the door swung open to reveal Toadsworth standing besides the pilot along with the toad doctor. Toadsworth immediately darted towards the Princess.

“Princess! Am I glad to see you! I must I say I was incredibly worried the moment I got word that you were requesting transportation and a doctor, until I heard that you were fine.” He had seemed to relax in her presence. That is, until he took a good look at the brothers. The old toad began to fret once more.

“But masters Mario and Luigi are not!? What has gotten into you boys? What happened to your ‘staches?! They are dull and without their usual healthy sheen! Master Mario is without his hat! Master Luigi is conked out as always! What ever will we do if Bowser and his minions come back for us?!” His voice grew higher and higher as all the possible scenarios began to play through his head.

“It's okay, Toadsworth. Bowser believed they were contagious and decided to let us all go.” Peach tried to reassure him.

It didn't.

“Contagious? They have a disease?!”

“No, and yes. But it’s not contagious! They've been poisoned, and apparently there has been a foodborne illness outbreak while I was captured.”

The doctor stepped out of the cramped room immediately and looked Mario up and down.

“Mmmmm yes, I do believe the patient has indeed been poisoned. Without a doubt.” The toad doctor chimed as he circled Mario.

“We appreciate it, doctor, but we actually need for you to look over Luigi first. He is the one in more dire need of medical attention.” Peach politely intervened.

“Who? Where?”

Mario inched over to reveal the passenger seat where they had just laid Luigi. The toad hopped onto his lap.

“Oh my, this man appears to be unconscious!” The toad doctor prodded the man's nose, inspected his eyes, and began to jot down notes describing the patient's cool ,clammy skin and droopy mustache.

“Hmm, poisoned and unconscious… but the poison is not the _reason_ he is unconscious, is it?” he explained as he lifted the hat and inspected the bump on Luigi's head.

“No, that was my doing,” Mario admitted. “He was seeing things, and-"

“…And you wanted to spare him of it. Absolutely brilliant, I would've done the same. Oh! Aren't you a famous doctor, Mario?”

“Actually, that was just a-"

“No need to explain your practices to me, _Doctor_ Mario!” the Toad chuckled.

Mario tried not to roll his eyes.

“It's clear that this would be the safest way to subdue the patient. After all, we can't give him any sedatives without knowing how it will react with the poison. Speaking of which, might you happen to know the source of this poisoning?”

“I got this note today, I think you should read it.”

Mario reached into his robe where he had earlier stuffed the note and handed it to the toad doctor. It read:

> _Recall notice: It has recently come to our attention that the latest shipments of ShroomStockers Quality One-Up Mushrooms (trademark) were possibly exposed to the spores of the randoshroom. Our records indicate that contaminated specimens may have been shipped to this address._
> 
> _The randoshroom is toxic breed of fungi known for its hundreds of possible side effects if consumed. Symptoms may range anywhere from the mild cold-like symptoms, fevers, chills, nightmares, hallucinations, uncontrollable flatulence, ballooning, leaky gut, spontaneous bee attacks, to sudden death in rare cases. Due to the effects being brought on through the unique physiology of the host, there is_ _ no _ _known cure for the toxins._
> 
> _Because we value the safety of our customers, we beg of you not to eat your ShroomStockers Quality One-Up Mushrooms (trademark). If you, or someone you know and love, have already eaten them, please proceed to PANIC and contact your nearest doctor ASAP. Otherwise, you may by entitled to a refund with proof of purchase for all unopened packages._
> 
> _For our customer service line, please call 1-800-SHROOM_
> 
> _Our business hours are Mon-Fri between the hours of 8 a.m through 4 p.m._
> 
> _Signed, President Shroomstock, CEO of ShroomStockers INC._

“Another randoshroom case? That makes it the fourth that's been reported today. Er, five if we include you! By the way, you should probably be in bed, Mario.”

“Look doc, I'm already getting over it. I'm fine, but my little bro isn't." Mario glanced over at Luigi, who laid uncharacteristically still in the seat. There was none of his usual snoring or grabbing at the air, he was far too still and it was unsettling.

“His body temperature is lower than it should be and he’s showing signs of a mild, temporary paralysis,” the doctor noted as he tucked a blanket around the unconscious man.

“That’s all I brought along. He needs every bit of warmth he can get," the doctor then said, looking at Mario's robe. Mario understood, and handed it off to him before moving to the back of the plane. In another room, Peach was caught up to speed on the happenings in the Mushroom Kingdom while she was away.

“When I first learned about this from the letter, I had hoped that there wouldn't be any other cases.”

“While you were gone we received warning about a potential poisoning event with Shroomstock products. We later confirmed three cases at the hospital involving Shroomstock customers.”

“I'll need to publicly address the kingdom once we're back home. If anyone needs me I'll be in my private bunker making preparations. Toadsworth, make sure everyone is strapped in and then notify the pilot that we're ready for take-off.”

* * *

It was only an hour's flight before they approached the mushroom kingdom. During the flight, the doctor sat beside Luigi to monitor his vitals while Toadsworth fretted himself into a small nap. Despite his general fatigue, Mario still hadn't been able to rest. The princess was safe, but now his little brother was dangerously ill. This wasn't what he had anticipated would happen when he sent Luigi to save the princess. If he had known his collection of power ups included contaminated one-ups, then Mario never would've offered them. And he wasn't sure if the uneasy pit in his stomach now was from his own brush with the toxins or if he was just sick with guilt.

The doctor had come prepared with a stretcher, and as soon as the plane came to a stop, they all moved swiftly to transport Luigi to the castle infirmary. It was then, right in the middle of the hallway, that Luigi jolted upward against the straps holding him down.

“MAMA MIA, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!!”

“MASTER LUIGI, ARE YOU OKAY??! MY STARS, WHAT IS THE MATTER, MY BOY?!”

The heads of passing toads turned to gawk at all this commotion. Even Peach's regal poker face did little good in this situation where Mario was half naked, Luigi was screaming mad and strapped down to a stretcher, and Toadsworth doing what Toadsworth does best.

Princess Peach sent Toadsworth away and calmly shut the infirmary doors behind her as they moved Luigi, who was still screaming, onto the hospital bed.

***WHACK***

The screaming stopped.

“Did you just- I can’t believe everyone keeps whacking poor Luigi on the head like that!” Princess Peach scolded the doctor, her high levels of patience finally having reached their limits. The doctor handed the mallet off to one of the nurses.

“Whack? What do you take me for, princess, a quack? No, I did not ‘whack’ Luigi. I, uh, administered physical sedation. See, he's so much more peaceful now!”

Luigi groaned. A bead of drool slid down his chin.

“Uh oh, I think he's still awake. Nurse!”

“On it,” the nurse said with a gleam in her eyes as she raised the mallet in the air. Princess Peach stopped the mallet with her hands.

“That is enough you two! No more bonking Luigi, okay? That goes for you too, Mario.”

“What? I wasn't a-going to bonk anyone, Princess.”

She let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, and I trust that you will take care of him. I just wish I could stay here and see that he gets better, but I have to deal with this poison crisis.”

“I understand, princess.”

“And Mario. I know you're worried for your brother but you were also poisoned. Please, just try to take it easy. Okay?”

“...Okay”

* * *

The hours melted together into an indistinguishable mess. Much to Mario's relief, after inspecting his brother a third time, the doctor declared that the worst of the toxins had already run its course and that they might be able to leave the next morning. The nurse brought out extra blankets for Luigi and set up a cot for Mario. Save for one delirious fit of terror that night, Luigi mostly remained asleep the entire time. Mario couldn't recall having closed his eyes, but when the opened them again it was daylight outside. In the light of day, he could see that most of the color had returned to Luigi's face and he seemed to act more like himself in his sleep.

At the foot of his cot, Mario found a bag with an attached note that read:

> _Good morning, Mario._
> 
> _In the next room you and Luigi will find a simple token of my appreciation for yesterday's rescue. Thank you both for the roles you played in saving me!_
> 
> _P.S, I sent Toadsworth to your home to fetch you some clothes._
> 
> _Signed, Princess Peach._

Mario’s stomach growled with anticipation. He had a good idea of what that token could be. There was a rustling of covers besides him.

“…Bro?” Luigi asked quietly. Mario rushed to his side.

“Weegie! How are you feeling?”

“There are two Marios?” Luigi asked with a dazed expression.

“Oh no, are you still seeing things?”

“Huh? W-what happened?”

“You ate a contaminated mushroom. We both did. I tried to find you to stop it from happening, but I was too late.”

“Is that how you got sick?”

Mario nodded

“…and is that why you followed me to Bowser's castle?

A second nod. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get poisoned.”

“It's okay, I know it's not your fault. So you really did believe in me then?”

“Of course I did. And you saved the princess!”

Luigi's jaw dropped with shock.

“I DID?!”

“You did!”

“Wowie, I saved the princess! If only I could remember it though. Hehe- ow! My head hurts when I laugh," Luigi whimpered.

“I think she left us a cake.”

“Oh, I haven't had a meal since Tuesday.”

“Say no more, I'll get you as much cake as you want!”

Mario rose and looked down in embarrassment as he remembered he was still in his boxers. He quickly dressed, feeling a hundred times better to finally have his hat on his head. He truly felt back to normal. Mario brought along with him two large servings of cake and the doctor. Luigi ate the cake ravenously. The doctor looked Luigi over one last time, paying close attention as he shined the light in his eyes.

“There may be some lingering toxins still in your system, but your body has broken most of it down.”

“Is that why I'm-a seeing doubles?”

“No, that would be from head trauma. You'll need to take this in 24 hours to heal up."

Luigi paled a little at the sight of the one-up mushroom that the doctor dropped in his hands.

“Ha ha, don't worry. I can assure you this one's not toxic. You’re free to go home. Just be sure to stay warm, fed, and hydrated to flush out the remaining toxins."

* * *

Back at the Mario bros home, Luigi laid on the couch so wrapped up in blankets that he looked like a chunky green caterpillar. In the rush to find his brother, Mario had forgotten to put the minestrone back in the fridge the day before. After mourning the loss of the first batch, he prepared a new pot to simmer and brought out two servings of the warm, salty soup. He also wore a doctor’s reflector on his head and lab coat, hoping it would cheer up his brother.

“It’s-a me! Doctor Mario! How you feelin’, Weegie?” he asked as he offered the bowl to his shivering brother.

“Heheh- ow. Still seeing boos when I turn my head, but at least I know they're not real. Can you pass the remote? I want to hear the princess’s talk about the poison mushroom crisis.

“Here you go,” Mario said as he handed it over.

***click***

> _>...and a total of 10 incidents were reported within the last day. I am pleased to announce that all the remaining boxes of the affected produce were collected and there is no further risk of exposure to citizens at this time. CEO Shroomstock may have tried to convince the viewers yesterday that his company was not responsible. But I promise a full investigation will be launched and anyone found guilty of bypassing the royal health decree will have their mushroom-dealing licenses revoked._
> 
> _> Were there any casualties?_
> 
> _> There were no casualties, though we did have to call in the fire brigade to remove a toad from the ceiling. It was rather intense.  
> _
> 
> _> And that concludes the royal address and Q&A! Next up, goombas, are they like us?_

“I wonder what's on the Koopa Kingdom news?” Luigi asked.

***click***

> _> And here we have an eyewitness to this shocking event. What can you tell us?_
> 
> _> I was right there! The green guy wouldn't stop talking to a door and then this guy, he finally goes in and just stands there with a dumb look on his face. Next thing you know our wicked awesome King just hands over the princess to this dimwit for no reason and then they all carry him out! Like, its too much effort for him to even just stand there doing nothing, this guy. He didn't do jack! He cost me a bet and that's why I’m here in this clown suit now, I tell ya!_
> 
> _> There you have it folks. Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing!_

Luigi frowned. It hurt.

> _> YOU CLOWN, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!_
> 
> _> THIS JUST IN, our King Bowser has decided to make a live appearance. My King, what is the official story?_
> 
> _> I didn't lose to green ‘stache! I NEVER LOSE! BWHAAAAAAAGH!!! Hey you, put that fire out! Anyway, I let them go because I thought they were carrying diseases!_
> 
> _> Ah yes, THE PLAGUE! How do you plan on stopping this plague, your Kingliness?_

Someone in the background shouted, " _the plague, everybody panic!"_

> _> There is no plague, you idiots! I just saw Princess Toadstool go live about a poison mushroom crisis. That's not contagious. The Mario bros bamboozled me with their lies! But you just wait, Mario Bros! I know you're watching this broadcast! I'll come back!” BWAHHHHHGHAGHH!!!  
> _

“Mario…should we be worried?”

“Nah.”

“Ew. They should wipe the cameras more often. It's starting to get gross from all that spit,” Luigi remarked, and changed the channel.

***click***

> >ITSSSS _Hot Gossip Gals hour, and the kingdom is FREAKING OUT because Super Mario was spotted running around last night in his underwear. Get this, gossip gals! The rumors were all true! Word on the street is, Super Mario really does have nipples! Images have been sent in from all over-_

“Shut it off, shut it off!” Mario cried out.

***click***

After an awkward beat of silence, Mario spoke up.

“Want to play poker?”


End file.
